When Life gives you Lemons….

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade……It is a quote apparently by Elbert Hubbard. In some creepy coincidence, Elbert was born in the town I am currently writing this. Looking at this quote with its real meaning, it makes sense, but looking at it literally it seems ridiculous….so I kind of hate it.

If the only thing that life gives me is lemons, and nothing else, I may pop a testicle. When in life am I ever going to need a fucking lemon? Out of all the things that I need in this world, lemons are pretty fucking close to the bottom, right next sewage and used condoms. I don’t need that shit! Who this hell sits back and says, “You know what sounds good right now? A Lemon!” Who the fuck eats lemons!? (Yes I know Lemon juice is useful in the cooking of fish, along with other foods that are fucking prissy, but if you only cook fish in lemon then maybe you should learn how to cook!)

If you have a friend who gets you lemons, then its about time to get some better friends.  If I ever have a friend that brings over a lemon, then it better be for the mixed drinks we are going to be sipping and slopping while chilling like broke ass millionaires.

What life should be giving me is sugar. You cant make lemonade without that! I should know, because I am an American, which means we take healthy food and pour sugar on it. (We also love guns)

So if life gives me lemons I am suppose to make lemonade without sugar. So what, I squeeze the bitch in a pitcher of water? There better be a fucking green tea bag swimming in the bitch if you expect me to drink watery lemon juice.

I guess life should just give me sugar, so then I can make lemonade, Kool-aid, cakes, doughnuts, cereal, soda, and all junk food. Then, surprisingly, life can give me diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and eventually an early death. Then my body will lie rotting in the in the gutter, floating next to the sewage and used condoms.

(This was all a thought that went through my mind when I couldn’t sleep and is not to be taken seriously. I love to rant!)

If you want Lemonade, I suggest the song from Blind Melon.

 

 

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